Social Media: a cruel mistress of shallow pleasure
I ran for Mayor of Greater Manchester two years ago. I learnt much about myself and human behaviour, especially when it comes to our dark side of wishing ill upon our opponents.
"It is not enough that I succeed, but that everyone else fails." Genghis Khan
I did not receive much negativity during my campaign for I was a nobody with zero hope of beating the Labour machine. I was no threat so not worthy of consideration. I had an easy ride compared to most politicians.
I am not saying I did not receive any criticism. I had many people who disagreed with me on many issues and were opposed to my views and policies. This is called democracy and is completely acceptable. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and that includes their opinion of me as an individual. No one should be above critical analysis – this is as it should be. Good ideas do not need to be handled with care, they can stand the test of daylight and scrutiny from others. I do not profess to know everything or even to be correct, only that I am willing to change my views when new evidence is presented.
I was surprised that a small number of insignificant online insults affected me - little throwaway comments from people I did not know. I was not as mentally strong as I had thought. These remarks were not trying to make a political point but were purely antisocial in nature. Now and again, one of these comments would hit an existing wound that I had kept hidden and out of view of others. These are the flaws we know exist within ourselves and require self-improvement. Our Achilles heel.
I am a man who takes responsibility seriously – I try to live by a code, my code. I use feedback from family and friends to help me navigate the right path and avoid being corrupted by convenience, apathy and greed. Decades of working in communities have given me a highly sensitive moral compass – or at least, this is what I tell myself. I read. I watch documentaries. I talk to people with whom I disagree. I think I work hard at being a better person. I actively try to be the person I wish I was and I continue to fall short.
Reading negative comments about yourself is difficult and emotionally punishing. Maybe even physiologically damaging. We forget we are social creatures and designed to take heed of what people say and think of us. This is how a community influences the behaviour of others for the greater good. It is how we create harmony and peace with others, otherwise, we would live alone like tigers. We created large functioning societies by developing enhanced communication and social skills so we are attuned to the social norms of a tribe or community – otherwise, we risk expulsion and death.
Imagine walking down the street when a stranger approaches to say your forehead is so huge that pilots could use it as an emergency landing strip. Would you take it seriously? No, of course not. You would think the person was crazy, or maybe even dangerous, and so would walk away as quickly as you could. So why is a nasty comment on social media any different and not processed in the same dismissive manner?
We look upon social media as a friend or a confidant. A gateway to the people we know and love. We place ourselves on these social platforms to be engaged, to seek attention, and to lie about how great our lives are. We crave validation of the tribe. We check our 'likes' and 'follows' to judge our self-worth and societal worth.
We are not accustomed to this new arbitrary measurement of worth so have no idea how to process it effectively. If we readily accept the praise and adulation of strangers online, then should we not accept their criticism and rejection? Social media is a cruel mistress of shallow pleasure. It may be doing more harm than good - we will get the results of this social experiment in another decade.
I have one rule whilst using social media: it is a privilege to engage with me. I offer everyone this privilege until it is abused. I would not speak to someone face-2-face if I found them rude, arrogant or insulting, so I extend this common sense rule to my online presence. Disagreement is fine. Telling me I am wrong is fine, offering no evidence supporting your opinion is fine. But I draw the line at posts that referred to me as a racist, fascist, ugly, evil and a Nazi. This is pure antisocial behaviour. I should know, I have two decades of experience tackling such delinquency across Greater Manchester.
Experience tells me that engaging in conversation with such individuals is a waste of time, at worst it gives them the attention they desire. Online trolls want to cause pain, outrage and mayhem. You cannot win playing their game, you have to resist, or risk becoming like them. You do not give naughty children what they demand because it teaches the wrong lesson – you reward good behaviour only.
Social media is like a narcotic for it offers pleasure - instant meaningless pleasure. There may be joy, but this comes with pain. A constant barrage of negativity can erode your very foundation and self-worth. It does not surprise me that some people succumb to suicide for our abuser is now in our pocket, and we can never escape. And like Pavlov's Dogs, we have been trained to accept the abuse at the chime of a notification bell.
We need to understand what this new technology is doing to us and develop coping strategies to mitigate some of the negative effects. Social media is here to stay, we need to learn to live with it, enjoy it, and benefit from it. Not allow it to rule us.
We need to think deeply and self-reflect for we all can be corrupted by this technology, even me. During my 2021 election campaign, I found myself making the wrong choices for what I believed to be the right reasons – lying to oneself is very easy and addictive. My failing was clear to see, I had been reposting antisocial posts if they related to my opponent. It felt wrong when I did it, but I ignored the feeling. I told myself it was different because I had not composed the post. I was only sharing it - freedom of speech.
One evening, I heard a very quiet nagging voice tell me I was a disappointment. I knew instantly my conscience was correct - I felt shame. I was conscious of my actions while performing them, there were no excuses to be had. I made an immediate change and stopped what I knew to be wrong and beneath me.
If you wish for a better world, then the first change should be internal. And make no doubt about it, it will be the toughest change you will ever make.
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