Narcissism – a dark journey
The word narcissist is thrown around today like many other words, such as racist, homophobe and misogyny. Many people do not understand the real meaning of these words but use them because they think it makes them sound intelligent. A more serious problem is when the word is given a new meaning which allows it to be used more effectively as a weapon.
The term narcissism comes from a book by the Roman poet Ovid called Metamorphoses Book III, written in the year 8 AD about Narcissus and Echo. Narcissus is a handsome young man who spurns the advances of many potential lovers, including the nymph Echo. For this, he is punished by the Gods who make him fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. When Narcissus discovers that the object of his love cannot love him back, he slowly pines away and dies. Today, it means so much more than loving your reflection.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a medically recognised disorder characterised by a life-long pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, a diminished ability or unwillingness to empathise with others' feelings, and interpersonally exploitative behaviour. When I was younger we called this type of person spoilt.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders describes Narcissistic Personality Disorder as possessing at least five of the following nine criteria:
1. A grandiose sense of self-importance
2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. Believing that they are special and unique
4. Requiring excessive admiration
5. A sense of entitlement
6. Being interpersonally exploitative
7. Lacking empathy
8. Often being envious of others or believing that others are envious of them
9. Showing arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes
How many of these points hit home with you? Do not worry, you have to hit five!
Can you see people you know sitting nicely within some of these points? Former partners. Work colleagues. Family members. Friends. Of course, you can. I can. We all can.
Narcissists tend to exaggerate their skills, accomplishments, and their degree of intimacy with people they consider high-status. We all know that middle manager who thinks they run the company and it would collapse overnight if they left. Or that acquaintance who thinks they are friends with a celebrity because their Tweet was liked by the celebrity. Classic narcissistic traits. These people tend to do worse in life professionally and romantically.
I am lucky, and I hope you can say the same, for I do not know any narcissists personally. I must subconsciously reject people with such character traits as a matter of course, for I know they do not bring anything beneficial to my life. We do this all the time, hence the phrase 'first impressions matter'.
Like all disorders, it can be broken down into subcategories. A 2020 study found that females scored significantly higher on Vulnerable Narcissism than males, but no gender differences were found in other subcategories.
This makes sense when you read the characterisation: a type of narcissist that tends to be highly self-conscious, insecure, and hypersensitive to rejection. They oscillate between feeling inferior and superior to others, and they become easily offended, anxious, or even hostile when they're not put on a pedestal.
A contributory factor for why more females are Woke?
The only people I see who I would judge as narcissistic, using my inadequate non-medical experience, are certain individuals posting online and Social Justice Warriors. They spew their narcissism with a tendency to devalue, derogate and insult. They respond with anger or aggression when criticised or challenged – they take it as a personal slight.
According to doctors, narcissists are more likely to have other mental disorders, such as psychological depression, bipolar disorder and substance use disorder. There are also links to an increased rate of histrionic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder.
There is no one cause of narcissism but rather a mixture of nature and nurture. Genetics play a part. But also does parenting techniques, historical trauma, learnt behaviour, and even culture. It occurs more in modern societies than in traditionalist conservative societies - you could argue that it is inherently part of Woke culture.
There is no evidence that medication is the answer, only psychotherapeutic treatment has been shown to have an impact. This means unlearning what you think you know and do, and replacing it with something that delivers better outcomes. We are creatures of habit - we do what we do for we have always done it.
Warning: I did not write this article for you to walk around assigning the narcissist label to people in your life because they hit one or two points in the list above. We all hit specific points at different times in our life. We must not confuse genuine excellence with a grandiose sense of self-importance, or lack of empathy in supporting the death penalty. This is why at least five points must be hit.
Narcissism can be witnessed today online, look out for the hashtags #BelieveAllWomen, #NeverKissedATory, #TransWomenAreWomen, and my personal favourite - #KillAllMen.
If I had to choose one statement that summed up this trait it would have to be the L'Oreal strapline: Because I'm worth it!
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